January 2041 (AP) - Baylor University announced they will begin a coaching search immediately, following the retirement of Dave Aranda, citing poor health and his Medicare benefits kicking in.

Aranda led the Baylor Bears to a Big XII Championship in 2021, and led the Bears for two more decades after that, despite the Bears being expelled from the Big XII Conference in 2026 for going four years without a conference win, then dumped from the SunBelt Conference in 2036 for going ten seasons without a winning season. The last four seasons of his career, Aranda led the Bears in the experimental Zen and Orange Slice Conference, which plays flag football but considers it gauche to even talk about "winning" games.

"In his retirement speech, Coach Aranda thanked the players and reiterated how much he appreciated the questions he was being asked."

"AD Mack Rhoades announced that Baylor will have some exciting NIL news to share in 6 months."

BaylorLit 01 said:

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You forgot "AD Mack Rhoades announced that Baylor will have some exciting NIL news to share in 6 months."

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"Introducing MustardVision! It's like Netflix, but instead of 4K HD, everything is mustard colored. Only $79. 99 a month!"

We interrupt this message for breaking news. Kim Mulkey has announced a ten year contract extension at LSU. The Legendary Mulkey will be 91 by the end of her contract. She's won every national championship at LSU dating back to the 2023 season. The voice of the Baylor Bears John Morris
caught up with Baylor athletic director Mack Rhoades to get his thoughts about the legendary coach. "Well John, to be honest, I hated her. I'm glad she's gone. I know our women's basketball program has been terrible since she left, but it was worth getting her out of my life. She was just plain mean. John I like people like you in our athletic department, you know people that aren't especially talented, but push overs that I can control."
"On that note I'm going to toss it down to our sideline reporter Ricky Thompson, Ricky what are your thoughts?"

Cloudy the future is. Always changing.

PartyBear said:

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Cloudy the future is. Always changing.

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Muppet Yoda is, yet he is worth more money than my whole family.

This thread is trash.

BearlyBeloved said:

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This thread is trash.

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A bit harsh, but it's important to call out unreasonable takes.

The mods should make it a sticky to see how well it ages. Unfortunately I suspect it will age better than most of us hope.

Don't be deceived by the OP. He did not post under his real


Nostradamus!