I consider "hitting bottom" a good thing. It's an opportunity at getting help. The more opportunities, the better but, only if those opportunities are acted on.
I had a brother-in-law who was an alcoholic. He was self-employed so it never cost him a job but, it did cost him work.
To a certain extent, most of us in the family were enablers. There was never a gathering where we didn't have alcohol. We provided the gas around his open flame of drinking. None of us called him out on it but we'd discuss it amongst ourselves. Correction: we'd discuss HIS problem amongst ourselves but never discussed our enabling.
Once, after a family gathering where he'd been drinking, he had his wife and 3 kids in the car. We were still at my in-laws when we got a call from another family member stating the BIL was pulled over by the cops. There was lots of talk about hoping he didn't get arrested etc. The cops just told his wife to drive home and didn't arrest him in front of his kids. They probably thought they were helping. That was a missed opportunity at hitting bottom.
He knew he had a problem and tried AA. That lasted a couple meetings before he ridiculed the program and those in it. A missed opportunity
After AA, he tried cold turkey, all on his own. I remember he showed up at a family gathering with the shakes and sweating profusely. He was guzzling Gatorade trying to use it as a substitute. We all told him what a noble effort it was, great job, keep it up. Then, we continued to drink in front of him, offering no more support than a pat on the back. Another missed opportunity.
He gave up the abstaining in place of attempting to limit his drinking. He'd get a couple drinks early in the day to "steady his nerves" so he could work. That gradually grew into drinking all day and then binging at night till he passed out.
One weekend he had an argument with his wife. He got in the car and said he was going to see his dad and brothers out of town. He said he needed to get away.
A day or so later he calls his wife and said he's headed back home. He'd be back in 2-3 hours.
He never made it back. The people in the car behind him, stopped at the intersection, said they saw him fall over to the right, towards the center console. When he did, all the weight went onto his right leg and the accelerator pedal. The car took off seeding down the road before eventually leaving the road and driving through a yard. In the second yard, the car hit a large tree.
The airbag deployed but because he was slumped over to the side, it deployed over his left shoulder. His head hit the center console causing a massive head injury.
We were all in the room when the doctor told us he had drugs in his system. He'd been partying with one of his brothers. The doctor said he passed out at the intersection and fallen over.
The doctor said there was nothing they could do for him and only the machines were keeping him alive. He was removed from life support with his soon-to-be widow in the room, his three kids and many other family members. He was gone inside of an hour.
His three kids have all had serious issues-mental health, multiple DWIs, arrest for altering a prescription. His widow is now the alcoholic.
Other family members are still heavy drinkers but I don't know that I'd call any of them alcoholics. I hope I'm right.
The only positives I can think of from this story is that I quit drinking, mostly due to the guilt I felt after the cold-turkey episode. I've lost any desire for alcohol. My son never started and my daughter will have a glass of wine 3-4 times a year.
If there is a moral to the story, it's don't miss opportunities to help, to support.
Help and support can have a lot of different looks. It can be intervening, it can be calling the cops, it can be calling his friends, it can be supporting your mom in setting up boundaries. It can sometimes be loud and ugly.
I don't know the right answers. I wish I did then and I wish had them now. I know prayer is a great place to start and finish.
Praying for your brother and all the family, friends and associates.
