"Sick of old people? He looks like Alex P. Keaton. Scared of young people? He looks like Alex P. Keaton. Religious? He's a Christian. Atheist? He's not weird about it. Wary of Washington? He's from flyover country. Horrified by flyover country? He has degrees from Harvard and Oxford. Make the President Read Again? He learned Norwegian to read Erlend Loe. Traditional? He's married. Woke? He's gay. Way behind the rest of the country on that? He's not too gay. Worried about socialism? He's a technocratic capitalist. Worried about technocratic capitalists? He's got a whole theory about how our system of "democratic capitalism" has to be a whole lot more "democratic." If you squint hard enough to not see color, some people say, you can almost see Obama the inspiring professor. Oh, and he's the son of an immigrant, a Navy vet, speaks seven foreign languages (in addition to Norwegian, Arabic, Spanish, Maltese, Dari, French, and Italian), owns two rescue dogs, and plays the ******* piano. He's actually terrifying. What mother wouldn't love this guy?"