* * Fun With Dick and Jane

56,073 Views | 618 Replies | Last: 2 yr ago by saabing bear
Assassin
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9:27p, 8/11/17
I never make the same mistake twice. I make sure its at least three or four times just to be sure...
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saabing bear
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6:01p, 8/12/17
There are 3 kinds of people, those who can count and those who can't.

To err is human, to moo, bovine.
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BaylorProud77
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In reply to DioNoZeus • 7:57p, 8/12/17
DioNoZeus said:
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken
lololololol, that is so bad
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Assassin
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3:05p, 8/13/17
lost in translation?

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Assassin
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4:02p, 8/15/17
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before squashing him.
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Assassin
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4:02p, 8/15/17
Behind every good selfie is approximately 34 nearly identical pictures that didn't quite make the cut...
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Assassin
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4:03p, 8/15/17
Is it strange to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me?
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Assassin
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4:11p, 8/15/17
Hard to like people who can't make fun of themselves.

It means more work for me...
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Assassin
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8:59a, 8/17/17
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Assassin
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7:19p, 8/17/17
Honestly Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me like that...
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Assassin
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7:26p, 8/17/17
Don't feel down because you had a bad day - Chin Up!

Tomorrow is a new day - the worst is yet to come...
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Roy Rogers
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In reply to Assassin • 7:40p, 8/17/17
Assassin said:
Don't feel down because you had a bad day - Chin Up!

Tomorrow is a new day - the worst is yet to come...
"Sic em yesterday, sic em today, sic em forever"
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Assassin
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12:05p, 8/20/17
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Assassin
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4:43p, 8/20/17
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
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Assassin
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4:43p, 8/20/17
I have a birthmark on my butt cheek, I call it my ass-fault
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Assassin
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6:30p, 8/20/17
My friend said, "You remind me of a ketchup bottle"

I said, "I'll take that as a condiment"
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Assassin
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6:31p, 8/20/17
Today a girl said she recognized me from vegetarian club, but I'm sure I've never met herbivore.
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Assassin
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6:33p, 8/20/17
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece.
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Roy Rogers
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6:42p, 8/20/17
Something about subtraction just doesn't add up.
"Sic em yesterday, sic em today, sic em forever"
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Assassin
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6:44p, 8/20/17
I had to fire my masseuse today.

She rubbed me the wrong way.
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Roy Rogers
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6:50p, 8/20/17
Velcro is just a ripoff.
"Sic em yesterday, sic em today, sic em forever"
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Roy Rogers
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6:58p, 8/20/17
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

Same middle name.
"Sic em yesterday, sic em today, sic em forever"
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Assassin
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7:24p, 8/20/17
Paddy says "Why do scuba divers fall into the water backwards Mick?"

Mick says "If they fell forwards they'd still be in the friggin' boat!"
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Assassin
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8:40p, 8/20/17
"It's a boy!" I shouted tears rolling down my face "I don't believe it. A boy!"

Its at that moment I decided I'd never visit Thailand again.
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Roy Rogers
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8:49p, 8/20/17
Double negatives are a big no-no.
"Sic em yesterday, sic em today, sic em forever"
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Assassin
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9:05p, 8/20/17
To the lowlife that stole 100 cans of Red Bull from me...I don't know how you can sleep at night!
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Roy Rogers
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9:22p, 8/20/17
What is a zebra?

26 sizes larger than an "A" bra
"Sic em yesterday, sic em today, sic em forever"
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Assassin
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10:08a, 8/21/17
Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, but dang it, there's just no atmosphere.
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Assassin
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10:25a, 8/21/17
How do you organize a solar eclipse party?

Silly, you planet!
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Assassin
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3:10p, 8/21/17
Mick says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."


Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them idiots, because I wasn't even home yesterday."
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Assassin
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9:34a, 8/25/17
Start each day with a positive thought such as, "I can go back to bed in only 17 short hours!"
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Assassin
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6:25p, 8/29/17
I'm drinking Pepsi from a Coke glass as I walk In the Out door.
I'm a rebel.
That's how I roll.
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Assassin
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6:26p, 8/29/17
It's Saturday. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden.

In the meantime I've nearly reached the remote with my foot.
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Assassin
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6:27p, 8/29/17
90% of today's adulthood is spent simply deleting emails...
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BikerBear
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12:37a, 9/5/17
My wife came home last week and told me that she had to contribute $5 to charity so she could wear jeans at the office. She comes home today and tells me that she had to contribute $10 so she could wear shorts at the office. I told her that I didn't think I liked where this was going.
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