* * Fun With Dick and Jane

24,426 Views | 489 Replies | Last: 7 days ago by Assassin
Assassin
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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity...

and giving a child an ax
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
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I didn't want to grow up... I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
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Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Stemperford
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Assassin said:

Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
OMG, Headache suddenly attacks!

Assassin
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Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim.

"Honey, I'm running to the Jim!"
Assassin
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Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet...
Assassin
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My buddy said he didn't understand cloning.

I said "That makes two of us."
Assassin
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Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say "Help, it's me! I've been turned into a parrot!"
Assassin
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My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
Assassin
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What do you call someone who only eats tiny bits of other people?

A cannibble...
Assassin
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Air resistance is a real drag...
Assassin
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Generating all our electricity from solar power is not going to happen overnight.
Assassin
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Sometimes I just want to go where all the missing socks go.
Assassin
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You know you're broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity...
Assassin
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At the end of the day, life should ask us, 'Do you want to save the changes?'
Assassin
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I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for answers.
Assassin
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If your parachute doesn't deploy, you have the rest of your life to fix it...
Assassin
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This year for Mother's Day, I made Mom feel 50 years younger by bringing her my laundry.
Assassin
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I didn't see anyone important yesterday, so I'll probably wear these same clothes today...
Assassin
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Every novel is a mystery...

if you never finish it.
Assassin
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I haven't seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while. I hope he's OK...
Assassin
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I've been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants.

Feefiphobia.
4th and Inches
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The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend
4th and Inches
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Can you believe i got fired from the calender factory for taking a day off?!
4th and Inches
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A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. Weird, My dogs don't even own bikes...
4th and Inches
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Cleaning mirrors is a job You could really see yourself doing...
Assassin
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If you want to impress me with your car, it had better be a food truck.
Assassin
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I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

The doctor says it's terminal.
4th and Inches
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I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawns on me.
Assassin
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Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy.
Assassin
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If I don't clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded people for a Febreeze commercial.
Assassin
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There should be an observation deck at Walmart...
Assassin
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I wonder how long I'd be on hold if my call wasn't important to them...
Assassin
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Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing it for years...
Assassin
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Does anyone want a pack of dead batteries?

They're free of charge!
 
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