* * Fun With Dick and Jane

27,806 Views | 555 Replies | Last: 3 days ago by 4th and Inches
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it's for them?
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Malbec
How long do you want to ignore this user?
You old guys will get this one...

When you are negotiating a deal, and some minor sticking point comes up, just consider it like a Charlie's Angels date. You would prefer to go to dinner with Jaclyn Smith, but it's not a deal-breaker if Cheryl Ladd answers the door.
Malbec
How long do you want to ignore this user?
This woman friend in my office set me up on a blind date with someone she knew. The next day, the woman complained to her that I was drunk the whole date. My friend told her, "Not at all, he just has an inebriated personality."
Malbec
How long do you want to ignore this user?
We accepted an offer on the sale of our house. When the inspector came, he said the cracks in our walls were the result of foundation issues. I told him it wasn't true. They were the result of me leaving the toilet seat up.
Malbec
How long do you want to ignore this user?
My kids kept inviting their neighbor friends over to swim in our pool. I always thought they looked kind of sketchy, so I put some of that stuff in the pool that turns the water blue when someone pees in it. I'm almost scared to ask, but does anybody know what it means when the water turns red?
Malbec
How long do you want to ignore this user?
We were going to have a cookout with steaks at my house, so asked my friend what would be the best cuts to buy. He said I should go straight to the source. About half-way through being chased around the pasture, I realized he probably meant to ask the butcher.
Malbec
How long do you want to ignore this user?
My dog has been scratching a lot lately. He probably would have preferred a chew toy for his birthday instead of lottery tickets.
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Life would be so much better if there were piñatas strategically placed throughout my day
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I believe in magic because it's the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Dogs are tough. I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who is a good boy.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
A big nose is no excuse to not wear a mask. I still wear pants.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Midwife - People helping people get people out of people.
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
The "i" before "e' rule is weird.
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I tried to share a meal with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench last night. He told me to get lost and buy my own.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I'm always making misstakes.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I hate when things take forever and a day. I don't mind waiting forever. It's that extra day that kills me.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Stemperford
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Assassin said:

I'm always making misstakes.
I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm thinking of making a few more.
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Whoever said 'you are your own worst critic' apparently never posted a video on Youtube.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
People are dying today before that never died before....
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
nevadafoothill
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Stemperford said:

Assassin said:

I'm always making misstakes.
I've learned so much from my mistakes, I'm thinking of making a few more.
Try making a murder case, you'll learn a lot.
Re-Mapping the Page.
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Q: Why is an algebra book always unhappy?

A: Because it has lots of problems.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
It'd be pretty messed up if the cure for cancer was in those end-slices of bread...
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
99% of people are just really dumb. Luckily, I'm part of the other 3%
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
4th and Inches
How long do you want to ignore this user?
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.
2021 Adopt-A-Bear: Gavin Byers OL
Starting RT for TX St game
Starting RT for TX Southern

“ Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts. “ – Ted Lasso
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
My life has a superb cast... I just can't figure out the plot.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me all at once.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Texting + Facebook = Textbook.. so I'm studying right?
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
4th and Inches
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Before surgery, my Anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle, it was an ether oar situation
2021 Adopt-A-Bear: Gavin Byers OL
Starting RT for TX St game
Starting RT for TX Southern

“ Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts. “ – Ted Lasso
4th and Inches
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I told my doctor buddy that if you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock.

He said it was a humerus joke.
2021 Adopt-A-Bear: Gavin Byers OL
Starting RT for TX St game
Starting RT for TX Southern

“ Boy, I love meeting people’s moms. It’s like reading an instruction manual as to why they’re nuts. “ – Ted Lasso
 
×
subscribe Verify your student status
See Subscription Benefits
Trial only available to users who have never subscribed or participated in a previous trial.