* * Fun With Dick and Jane

26,308 Views | 522 Replies | Last: 11 hrs ago by Assassin
4th and Inches
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Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression...

What a sad state of affairs.
Assassin
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All those who believe in psychokinesis please raise my hand.
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4th and Inches
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My wife told me a joke about paper...

It was tearable
Assassin
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"Well, now I see how you came up with the word 'Microsoft'."
-Melinda Gates (on their wedding night)
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Assassin
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Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
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Assassin
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Pavlov is sitting in the pub when the bell rings for last orders.

"Crap!" he shouts, "I forgot to feed the dog!"
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Assassin
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Why are there never any good side effects?

Just once I'd like to read a bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness..."
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Wichitabear
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Lol
Assassin
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The snooze button, because there's nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
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Assassin
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LITTLE KNOWN FACT:

Every zoo is a petting zoo...if you're brave enough.
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Assassin
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Considering I'm broke, I wonder if she'll let me be her 'sugar-free daddy'.
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Assassin
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WHEW!

I just had a near-work experience.
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Assassin
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A terrorist attack has blown away 2 houses, one made of straw and another of wood. Police think that it's probably a lone wolf...
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https://memoriesofdallas.org/
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Assassin
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https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
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Sometimes my brain has too many tabs open...
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https://memoriesofdallas.org/
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Assassin
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To whomever is writing 'Wash me!' in the dust on my car.

Next time, don't date it...
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https://memoriesofdallas.org/
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Assassin
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"Grow a pear!"

aka

How to insult an apple tree...
Assassin
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You can correct people's grammar or you can have friends.

But you can't do both.
Assassin
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"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself"
-- 5th Amendment, understood by not a soul on Facebook.
Assassin
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Male camel toe?

Dude, that's just nuts!
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https://memoriesofdallas.org/
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Assassin
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You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they're trying on clothes in the fitting room.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
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My three biggest fear are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization...
https://www.facebook.com/groups/MemoriesofDallas/
https://memoriesofdallas.org/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/texasfootball
Assassin
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I met a guy who was addicted to sniffing brake fluid.

He said he could stop any time.
Assassin
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I once fell into an upholstery machine but now I'm fully recovered...
Assassin
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Gruvin said:

My wife told me a joke about paper...

It was tearable
ouch!
Mr. Sippi
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Assassin said:

I once fell into an upholstery machine but now I'm fully recovered...


Like the optometrist who fell into the lens grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself...
Baylor grad, 'Bama dad
Assassin
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*-+
Assassin
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Texting wasn't always easy. In the old days, you had to work for it. And want it. An S? You had to click the 7 button 4 times!
Assassin
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Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
Franko
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This thread has gone dormant, but I found some old funny stuff on my computer today. So I thought I would dump some of it here.

This is pretty impressive.



Franko
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Some real bad asses.



Franko
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Wasted weatherman (and he's a Baylor grad)


Franko
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Honesty in song lyrics


Franko
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"I don't free base cocaine."



Franko
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She did what?

 
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