* * Fun With Dick and Jane

51,311 Views | 618 Replies | Last: 2 yr ago by saabing bear
Assassin
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9:15p, 7/31/17
a bit of levity to brighten up your day. One liners, short jokes - take a swing
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I've just finished reading a book called "How To Give Constructive Criticism."

What a load of crap!
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Assassin
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9:15p, 7/31/17
How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?

Steven!
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Assassin
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7:29a, 8/1/17
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn't working out either...
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4th and Inches
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9:40a, 8/1/17
I saw an ad this morning for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
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4th and Inches
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9:42a, 8/1/17
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
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4th and Inches
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9:48a, 8/1/17
I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I poop on?"
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Assassin
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9:52a, 8/1/17
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I'm in whey over my head.
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Mr Tulip
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2:50p, 8/1/17
I told my girlfriend that I thought she drew her eyebrows on a little too high this morning.

She looked surprised.
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Keyser Soze
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7:25p, 8/1/17
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Oldbear83
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11:12a, 8/3/17
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

(thanks to Stephen Wright)
That which does not kill me, will try again and get nastier
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Assassin
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11:19a, 8/3/17
testing, testing...
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Assassin
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11:40a, 8/3/17

I've been thinking of adding a bedroom on top of my house, but that's another story...
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Assassin
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11:41a, 8/3/17
That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke and you get no reaction.

I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.
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Assassin
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In reply to Assassin • 11:54a, 8/3/17
Assassin said:
That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke and you get no reaction.

I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.
I was follow that with a joke about Sodium but .....

Na.
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Mr Tulip
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12:39p, 8/3/17
I lost an electron around here some place.

I'm positive!
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Assassin
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In reply to Mr Tulip • 12:50p, 8/3/17
Mr Tulip said:
I lost an electron around here some place.

I'm positive!
Let me atom!
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Assassin
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12:51p, 8/3/17
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Malbec
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1:13p, 8/3/17
I went all the way to the top of the Empire State Building. Then I put money into some binoculars to look at things on the ground.
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Malbec
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1:18p, 8/3/17
I had a friend who passed away last week. He was scared half to death for the second time.
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Malbec
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1:22p, 8/3/17
Maybe the solution to rising sea levels is just to grow more sponges?
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Assassin
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2:39p, 8/3/17
Aggie Chick: "Someone told me I have chemistry with a cute guy. But I don't have Chemistry until next semester..."
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Malbec
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5:40p, 8/3/17
I went to get a reading from a psychic the other day, but I walked out when she asked for my name.
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Malbec
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5:45p, 8/3/17
If Sybil took an overdose of pills, would it be considered a murder-suicide?
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DioNoZeus
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6:26p, 8/3/17
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken
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DioNoZeus
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6:30p, 8/3/17
I once knew this ostitute who liked to earn a little money on the side
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marco
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10:17p, 8/3/17
The average woman is a size 10-14. My ex was an above average woman.
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Malbec
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10:43p, 8/3/17
My deaf friend had his lawsuit thrown out. He was at a big disadvantage at the hearing.
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Roy Rogers
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10:48p, 8/3/17
The girl told her father she wanted to become a bubble dancer. Her dad said "No Soap".
"Sic em yesterday, sic em today, sic em forever"
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Assassin
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2:53p, 8/4/17
I can't stand it when people don't know the difference between your and you're.

There so dumb.
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Assassin
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3:15p, 8/4/17
The kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.

I keep telling them to stop it or someone's gonna lose an i.
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Assassin
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3:17p, 8/4/17
Life was so simple before my gal moved in. I had absolutely no idea that there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge.
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Assassin
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5:27p, 8/4/17
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Assassin
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5:30p, 8/4/17
For Sale, Limited Edition bottle of "White Out"

It's a corrector's item.
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Roy Rogers
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5:35p, 8/4/17
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
"Sic em yesterday, sic em today, sic em forever"
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Assassin
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5:42p, 8/4/17
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