* * Fun With Dick and Jane

45,546 Views | 618 Replies | Last: 1 yr ago by saabing bear
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
a bit of levity to brighten up your day. One liners, short jokes - take a swing
-----------------------------
I've just finished reading a book called "How To Give Constructive Criticism."

What a load of crap!
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?

Steven!
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn't working out either...
4th and Inches
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I saw an ad this morning for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.
4th and Inches
How long do you want to ignore this user?
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
4th and Inches
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I sometimes watch birds and wonder "If I could fly who would I poop on?"
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I'm in whey over my head.
Mr Tulip
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I told my girlfriend that I thought she drew her eyebrows on a little too high this morning.

She looked surprised.
Keyser Soze
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Oldbear83
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

(thanks to Stephen Wright)
That which does not kill me, will try again and get nastier
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
testing, testing...
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?

I've been thinking of adding a bedroom on top of my house, but that's another story...
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke and you get no reaction.

I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Assassin said:

That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke and you get no reaction.

I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.
I was follow that with a joke about Sodium but .....

Na.
Mr Tulip
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I lost an electron around here some place.

I'm positive!
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Mr Tulip said:

I lost an electron around here some place.

I'm positive!
Let me atom!
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Malbec
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I went all the way to the top of the Empire State Building. Then I put money into some binoculars to look at things on the ground.
Malbec
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I had a friend who passed away last week. He was scared half to death for the second time.
Malbec
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Maybe the solution to rising sea levels is just to grow more sponges?
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Aggie Chick: "Someone told me I have chemistry with a cute guy. But I don't have Chemistry until next semester..."
Malbec
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I went to get a reading from a psychic the other day, but I walked out when she asked for my name.
Malbec
How long do you want to ignore this user?
If Sybil took an overdose of pills, would it be considered a murder-suicide?
DioNoZeus
How long do you want to ignore this user?
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken
DioNoZeus
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I once knew this ostitute who liked to earn a little money on the side
marco
How long do you want to ignore this user?
The average woman is a size 10-14. My ex was an above average woman.
Malbec
How long do you want to ignore this user?
My deaf friend had his lawsuit thrown out. He was at a big disadvantage at the hearing.
Roy Rogers
How long do you want to ignore this user?
The girl told her father she wanted to become a bubble dancer. Her dad said "No Soap".
"Sic em yesterday, sic em today, sic em forever"
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
I can't stand it when people don't know the difference between your and you're.

There so dumb.
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
The kids have been throwing Scrabble tiles at each other again.

I keep telling them to stop it or someone's gonna lose an i.
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Life was so simple before my gal moved in. I had absolutely no idea that there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge.
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
For Sale, Limited Edition bottle of "White Out"

It's a corrector's item.
Roy Rogers
How long do you want to ignore this user?
The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
"Sic em yesterday, sic em today, sic em forever"
Assassin
How long do you want to ignore this user?
 
×
subscribe Verify your student status
See Subscription Benefits
Trial only available to users who have never subscribed or participated in a previous trial.