* * Fun With Dick and Jane

26,327 Views | 522 Replies | Last: 12 hrs ago by Assassin
Assassin
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So after winning the game, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd, like in the NFL.

Apparently, it's unacceptable in bowling.
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Assassin
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A word to the wise ain't necessary.

Those aren't the ones that need the advice...
Assassin
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Proud to say that I did my first book signing at 'Barnes and Noble' today. I wrote my name in 27 books before they threw me out.
Assassin
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I was playing Bonopoly last night.

Its the same as Monopoly except the streets have no name...
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Assassin
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A guy at work claims he didn't steal the battery out of my calculator, but something just didn't add up...
4th and Inches
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Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.
Assassin
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Gruvin said:

Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.
Let me check my Android on that
Assassin
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Everyone is gifted...

But not everyone opens their present.
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Assassin
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Everyone is gifted...

But not everyone opens their present.
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Assassin
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He died doing what he loved, surprising tigers.
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NoBSU
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The threes types of orgasms.
1. The positive - Oh yes, Oh yes.
2. The religious - Oh god, Oh god.
3. The fake - Oh Assassin, Oh Assassin.
Assassin
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My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji.
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Assassin
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You know it's time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
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NoBSU
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Assassin said:

You know it's time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
I play an app war game. The specks of dirt are bad but one an ant crawled across my screen. I was like, holy crap! Why don't I have that troop. It is going to smash my squad.
Assassin
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I want to point out that I am now an Amazon Prime member so it's about time you started treating me with a little more respect!
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Assassin
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For Sale.

Old batteries, free of charge.
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McCavebear
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There are three kinds of people in the world-- those who are good at math and those who aren't.
McCavebear Lives!
Assassin
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I've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well start calling them traditions.
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Assassin
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Yawning - our body's way of saying 20% of battery remaining...
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4th and Inches
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6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down!
Assassin
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My gal has just left me due to my love of horse racing.

She's at the gate....and she's off!
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Assassin
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What do you call someone with no body and a nose?

Nobody knows!
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Assassin
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Me: Mom, am I ugly?


Mom: I've told you not to call me Mom in front of people!
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Assassin
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I'm planning to be spontaneous.

Starting tomorrow
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Assassin
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Did you know 'emas eht yltcaxe' is exactly the same backwards?
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Assassin
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Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses.

Like 1 sentence 3X a day!
Mr. Sippi
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Fun thread, Assassin...

Patient to psychiatrist: I've had some strange dreams lately, Doc. In one I was a wigwam, and in another I was a teepee.
Psychiatrist: Your problem is that you're too tense.
Baylor grad, 'Bama dad
Mr. Sippi
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Girlfriend to aggy as they're making out: Would you like to see where I had my appendix taken out?
Aggy: No thanks, I hate hospitals.
Baylor grad, 'Bama dad
Mr. Sippi
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Later, as aggy and girlfriend continue...
Aggy says "I love you", as he rubs her tummy.
"Lower, lower", she says.
Aggy: "I love you", he says in a deeper voice.
Baylor grad, 'Bama dad
Mr. Sippi
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What's the difference between a brown-eyed aggy and a blue-eyed aggy?
The blue-eyed aggy's a quart low.
Baylor grad, 'Bama dad
Assassin
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I don't get it. Don't the cops know that the speed limit is different when you're listening to Black Sabbath?
Assassin
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How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend...
Assassin
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Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
Assassin
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Space heaters.

The perfect housewarming gift.
Franko
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Not a joke, but this is pretty amusing. His last comment had me rolling.



Have your ears listen to this right now:
https://youtu.be/ARWT471RSp0
 
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