* * Fun With Dick and Jane

56,084 Views | 618 Replies | Last: 2 yr ago by saabing bear
Assassin
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11:23a, 12/12/17
So after winning the game, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd, like in the NFL.

Apparently, it's unacceptable in bowling.
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Assassin
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12:04p, 12/16/17
A word to the wise ain't necessary.

Those aren't the ones that need the advice...
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Assassin
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7:06p, 12/18/17
Proud to say that I did my first book signing at 'Barnes and Noble' today. I wrote my name in 27 books before they threw me out.
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Assassin
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9:45p, 12/19/17
I was playing Bonopoly last night.

Its the same as Monopoly except the streets have no name...
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Assassin
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8:52a, 2/16/18
A guy at work claims he didn't steal the battery out of my calculator, but something just didn't add up...
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4th and Inches
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9:14a, 2/17/18
Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.
“The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.”

Jon Stewart
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Assassin
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In reply to 4th and Inches • 4:20p, 2/17/18
Gruvin said:
Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.
Let me check my Android on that
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Assassin
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5:06p, 3/4/18
Everyone is gifted...

But not everyone opens their present.
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Assassin
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5:06p, 3/4/18
Everyone is gifted...

But not everyone opens their present.
Facebook Groups at; Memories of: Dallas, Texas, Football in Texas, Texas Music, Through a Texas Lens and also Dallas History Guild. Come visit!
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Assassin
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5:07p, 3/4/18
He died doing what he loved, surprising tigers.
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NoBSU
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3:45a, 3/5/18
The threes types of orgasms.
1. The positive - Oh yes, Oh yes.
2. The religious - Oh god, Oh god.
3. The fake - Oh Assassin, Oh Assassin.
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Assassin
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5:43p, 3/5/18
My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji.
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Assassin
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5:44p, 3/5/18
You know it's time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
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NoBSU
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In reply to Assassin • 9:06p, 3/5/18
Assassin said:
You know it's time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
I play an app war game. The specks of dirt are bad but one an ant crawled across my screen. I was like, holy crap! Why don't I have that troop. It is going to smash my squad.
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Assassin
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4:04p, 3/9/18
I want to point out that I am now an Amazon Prime member so it's about time you started treating me with a little more respect!
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Assassin
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4:05p, 3/9/18
For Sale.

Old batteries, free of charge.
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McCavebear
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7:57a, 3/10/18
There are three kinds of people in the world-- those who are good at math and those who aren't.
McCavebear Lives!
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Assassin
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9:30a, 3/10/18
I've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well start calling them traditions.
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Assassin
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9:32a, 3/10/18
Yawning - our body's way of saying 20% of battery remaining...
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4th and Inches
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1:00p, 3/11/18
6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down!
“The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.”

Jon Stewart
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Assassin
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6:19p, 3/11/18
My gal has just left me due to my love of horse racing.

She's at the gate....and she's off!
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Assassin
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6:20p, 3/11/18
What do you call someone with no body and a nose?

Nobody knows!
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Assassin
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8:10a, 3/12/18
Me: Mom, am I ugly?


Mom: I've told you not to call me Mom in front of people!
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Assassin
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8:11a, 3/12/18
I'm planning to be spontaneous.

Starting tomorrow
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Assassin
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8:12a, 3/12/18
Did you know 'emas eht yltcaxe' is exactly the same backwards?
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Assassin
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12:49p, 3/14/18
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses.

Like 1 sentence 3X a day!
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Mr. Sippi
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9:34p, 3/22/18
Fun thread, Assassin...

Patient to psychiatrist: I've had some strange dreams lately, Doc. In one I was a wigwam, and in another I was a teepee.
Psychiatrist: Your problem is that you're too tense.
Baylor grad, 'Bama dad
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Mr. Sippi
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9:39p, 3/22/18
Girlfriend to aggy as they're making out: Would you like to see where I had my appendix taken out?
Aggy: No thanks, I hate hospitals.
Baylor grad, 'Bama dad
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Mr. Sippi
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9:45p, 3/22/18
Later, as aggy and girlfriend continue...
Aggy says "I love you", as he rubs her tummy.
"Lower, lower", she says.
Aggy: "I love you", he says in a deeper voice.
Baylor grad, 'Bama dad
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Mr. Sippi
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9:48p, 3/22/18
What's the difference between a brown-eyed aggy and a blue-eyed aggy?
The blue-eyed aggy's a quart low.
Baylor grad, 'Bama dad
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Assassin
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10:56a, 3/23/18
I don't get it. Don't the cops know that the speed limit is different when you're listening to Black Sabbath?
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Assassin
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10:56a, 3/23/18
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend...
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Assassin
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10:56a, 3/23/18
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
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Assassin
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10:56a, 3/23/18
Space heaters.

The perfect housewarming gift.
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Franko
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11:13a, 3/23/18
Not a joke, but this is pretty amusing. His last comment had me rolling.



2024 Adopt-A-Bear
Kelsey Johnson: 0-0-0
3 angry parent tweets
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