* * Fun With Dick and Jane

51,368 Views | 618 Replies | Last: 2 yr ago by saabing bear
Assassin
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4:28p, 8/25/20
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
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Assassin
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4:29p, 8/25/20
I can tell which people are judgmental just by looking at them.
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Assassin
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6:04p, 8/28/20
If I drove a UPS truck there's a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
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Assassin
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6:05p, 8/28/20
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day...
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Assassin
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6:05p, 8/28/20
I used to date a magazine editor.

I broke up with her because she had too many issues.
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Wichitabear
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6:52p, 8/28/20
These are great.
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Assassin
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6:08p, 8/29/20
The guy who invented the Time Machine just died....


Bob Jones RIP
2187-2020
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Assassin
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6:08p, 8/29/20

Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
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Assassin
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6:08p, 8/29/20
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.
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Assassin
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11:56a, 9/3/20
Pretty sure airport food was priced by kids just learning numbers.

"Ok Cooper, how much should this apple cost?"

"A THOUSAND DOLLARS!"
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Assassin
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11:56a, 9/3/20
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Assassin
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10:59a, 9/5/20
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved...
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Assassin
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11:00a, 9/5/20
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Assassin
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4:18p, 1/31/21
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk too long, it breaks, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people
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Assassin
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4:18p, 1/31/21
You seem to have a good grip on reality.

You're new here, aren't you?
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Assassin
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4:18p, 1/31/21
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away.

Seems a bit far fetched...
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Max Quad
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7:55p, 1/31/21
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

- Groucho Marx
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Assassin
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11:24a, 2/1/21
Seeking one night stand.

I might need two though, I read a lot of books...
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Assassin
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11:25a, 2/1/21

If you're having second thoughts, you're two ahead of most people.
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4th and Inches
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In reply to Assassin • 11:36a, 2/1/21
Assassin said:

If you're having second thoughts, you're two ahead of most people.
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Wichitabear
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In reply to Assassin • 11:59a, 2/1/21
Assassin said:
Seeking one night stand.

I might need two though, I read a lot of books...
lol just like you
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Assassin
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3:58p, 2/1/21
If the voices in my head were a gal with a British accent I would listen to them more often...
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Assassin
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3:59p, 2/1/21
My first mistake was thinking she couldn't hit a moving target.
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beardoc
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5:51p, 2/1/21
there are 3 kinds of people in the world: those who are good at math and those who aren't.
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Assassin
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8:36a, 2/2/21

I'm still kind of ticked they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
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Wichitabear
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In reply to Assassin • 6:11p, 2/2/21
Assassin said:

I'm still kind of ticked they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
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Assassin
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8:02p, 2/2/21
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
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Assassin
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9:04a, 2/10/21
I'm at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of going to the grocery store...
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Assassin
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9:05a, 2/10/21
Amnesia sounds so relaxing.
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Assassin
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9:05a, 2/10/21
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package...
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Max Quad
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In reply to Malbec • 4:10p, 2/10/21
Malbec said:
Maybe the solution to rising sea levels is just to grow more sponges?

AOC?
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Assassin
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10:58a, 2/12/21
You never truly appreciate Newton's laws of motion until you've sneezed while going number 1...
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Assassin
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10:59a, 2/12/21
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
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Assassin
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11:05a, 2/12/21
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
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Assassin
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11:07a, 2/12/21
There's no easy way to steal a watermelon.
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